The People at Bars: A Bouncer's Perspective

I’m a bouncer at a college bar. While that might sound like a fun job, it's quite the headache when people don't want to act their age. In my three years I’ve worked at two out of the three bars on campus. Most of my job is just people watching and making sure everyone behaves appropriately. I’ve come to find that there are certain types of people that I see at bars. After all, it’s a different perspective when you’re standing two feet above the crowd. 

The Fighter. There are three levels to this person. There is the person who is just being stubborn, the person who yells at you, and the maniac. When the stubborn one is being asked to leave they take their time walking to the door and might need some nudging. It’s much more passive aggressive. Next is the person who yells at you when you are removing them from the bar. I think I’ve been called every name in the book by now. And trust me yelling at the bouncer is not a good way to get them to change their mind about kicking you out. The last level, the maniac, is the worst. This is the person who you have to physically remove from the bar while they are fighting their hardest to stay inside. It becomes a big scene when three bouncers have to carry you out like a child having a temper tantrum. Being the maniac is by far the worst type of person you can be.

The “One more drink.” This person thinks the bar closes when they want it to. They always try to hang out and squeeze one more drink in. When the lights are on and everyone is cleaning up, they are still standing at the bar trying to bargain with the bartender. And then when we ask you to leave you either ignore us or turn into The Fighter (see above).

The Sleeper. I’m not sure how they do it - probably the alcohol - but there is always someone who manages to fall asleep. With people screaming and music blasting, I still find that person in the corner taking a snooze. At this point I usually give them a nudge and tell them their bed might be more comfortable.

The Bouncers Friend. This person is more of a distraction than anything. I understand you want to be buddies with me and try to get on my good side, but unless you’re actually my friend I’m not that interested in talking to you, especially when I have to keep an eye on 150 college students.

The Sloppy. This is the most common. The drink specials have gotten the best of you and you are clearly plastered. Unfortunately that means you have to leave the bar because you keep falling and spilling drinks. In their drunken state, The Sloppy also tends to lead to The Fighter.

The Hook-Up Artist. This person is constantly hooking up with someone. Sometimes even two or three different people in the same night, which I personally find a bit weird. But who am I to judge, you’re clearly having fun.

The Vandal. I’m not sure why you do it, but you break things. At the current bar I work at it seems to be the bathrooms that get destroyed. Either the soap dispenser or the hand dryer gets ripped out of the wall. I really do not understand this person. I can’t see what they are gaining by making the bouncer’s job harder. Don’t be this person.

My favorite type of person however, is the good person. They come to the bar, drink, dance, sing, and have fun, but all within the bounds of acting appropriately. It makes the bouncer’s job significantly easier if you just act appropriately. Everyone has a better time this way, so be a good person.