Unlocking the Next Level of Dating

July 26, 2018 by Cazey Williams in Cazey's Column, Life In Your 20's, Dating, life lessons

This past winter, I met someone. For a month, it worked out, and then due to a host of inevitabilities that I'll save for future blogposts rants, things fractured. The day following our split, I went on Bumble out of spite. I wanted friends to report Cazey is back in the game (was he ever in the game?), he wasted no time, she meant nothing, he really is a Slytherin. I also wanted to keep up momentum – dating had been fun for an inexplicable moment. Maybe several moments.

“Juliet” was the second person I matched with. She was obviously attractive, tall, well educated, and prompt enough at replying. We also maintained conversation slightly above small talk, though we did regress to discussing central air conditioning by day six.

How To Go On a First Date: A Tutorial

February 06, 2017 by Cazey Williams in Life In Your 20's, Humor, Dating, Cazey's Column, life lessons

Step one: download Tinder. Or it can be any app that our generation uses that allows you to meet young, attractive locals without ever leaving your bedroom.

Swipe right. Be sure not to swipe too far right and up or you might Super Like them, and how awkward is that to show someone you really, really think they’re attractive. It’s better not to give people the upper hand in these commitmentphobic times. Or worse, you might accidentally Super Like someone unattractive. Gasp. Undo! CTRL+Z!

Keep swiping right. It takes a few minutes/hours/days until you find a match. Well, hopefully not days.

Facebook Friends Aren't Real

January 09, 2017 by Cazey Williams in Cazey's Column, Humor, Life In Your 20's, life lessons

For a while, I’ve known that being Facebook friends means almost nothing. In early college, I went through a period where I added every soul I met on this earth, and years later, I have retained most of those acquaintances because I don’t defriend people. I don’t see the point in it. What am I hiding? You never know when you might need that connection one day.

Of course, people have defriended me. It’s always great when the dude you invited to your birthday in tenth grade now pops up under “People You May Know.” Hey…when did he cut me out of his friends list? Does our history not matter? I’ve known you since second grade.

Then there’s the senior class president of my high school. We knew each other all of high school, were Facebook friends certainly for all four years of that hellhole, and you would assume we would remain *Facebook friends* into the real world, not just because, you know, we were friends, but also because she was senior class president.

The Streak: Snapchat Perseverance and Existential Questions

July 20, 2016 by astoldoverbrunch in Humor, Life In Your 20's, life lessons

365 days. 52 weeks. 8,760 hours. 525,000 minutes - you get the point.

That’s how long Cazey and I have Snapchatted each other. The frequency of our Snaps has now reached a new milestone, this time in quantitative data.

‘The Streak,” as we call it, began on March 23, 2015. We have Snapchatted for over 365 consecutive days. And while that number should strike awe into the hearts of every Smartphone user, let us wow you even more.

For the length of our streak, neither of us has lived within 100 miles of each other (though we actually find it harder to Snap when we are together, because can’t we just say aloud what we’re thinking instead of Snapping it? Alas, we still manage to Snap each other from opposite ends of the living room when together).

Don't Touch: Millennials and Their F***ing Hugging

April 13, 2016 by Cazey Williams in Humor, Life In Your 20's, Cazey's Column, life lessons

Do you remember back in elementary school when everyone had cooties? Girls and boys didn’t touch lest a flesh-eating infection devour us all. Mind you, this was a particularly heteronormative affliction, but that’s beside the point. At least it gave us an excuse not to touch each other. And I hate touching.

My mom calls it being “tactilely defensive.” She’s an occupational therapist.

Symptom 1: I avoid touch stimulation. Growing up, I refused to wear sweatpants because of the material on my skin.