CAPS LOCK ON, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

If you have a Smartphone, then you know your phone has a nasty habit of remembering what you've texted in the past. It's always auto-suggesting how to spell a word, and no, I don't "ducking" hate her. But beside "impetget" spelling memory (that would be, "imperfect"), it also automatically capitalizes certain words if you ever - even once - spelled them in all caps. (Y U DO THAT?!)

Over the last month, I've cataloged some of the words my phone believes deserve all caps. Here they are:

MONDAY.

Enough said. Except I probably don't have that much energy on Mondays. It's more like a silent death stare when I think of MONDAY.

THAI.

Heck yes. Anyone who discusses THAI food with enthusiasm less than caps lock does not deserve to experience drunken noodles and THAI iced tea.

AFRICA.

It is no secret that my immediate plans after grad school are to abscond to AFRICA. Okay, more realistically: I hope to join the Peace Corps and would love to work in either public health or economic development in an African nation. I am glad my phone has picked up on my enthusiasm. It also probably learned this from when I text the lyrics of Toto's "AFRICA" to friends:

I miss the rains down in AFRICA

MIRANDA SPENCER*.

OMG, for the last calendar year, MIRANDA has been my bane. From aggressive emails to petty complaints in person, this woman has caused a lot of strife - and a lot of hostile gossip between my friends and me. Praise Apple that my phone recognizes the annoyance required for discussing MIRANDA.

*This person's name has been changed to protect her from my loyal readers.

SIENTO.

You would think my iPhone would add a LO in there, too? I really don't know why I ever would text someone "Lo SIENTO," though, unless I really wasn't sorry. Which is a very probable scenario. I wish I remembered what I wasn't sorry for. Probably MIRANDA.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This is the most annoying auto-caps word, because I tend to laugh a lot, but rarely does someone tell me something that is HAHAHAHAHAHAHA worthy. Like, I can't even think of an example where a.) You get that many ha's in a row and b.) You get it in all caps, too. Maybe if MIRANDA fell down a flight of stairs? (Wow, was that mean? LO SIENTO.) But this text is always followed up with "Oops caps."

TRENTA.

Can you discuss a Starbucks Trenta iced coffee without caps? We are talking 31 ounces of caffeine. There's never been a more beautiful creature.

WENDYS

. . . . I don't even remember the last time I went to WENDYS, but I probably turned on the caps if we were discussing chocolate Frosties. I haven't had one of those in a while, but now you have me like, WENDYS!

So those were the good ones. Others were HASNT, GONNA, and DEETS. I wonder what Freud would say.

Also, I'm still singing "Africa" now:

I miss the rains down in AFRICA!